I have always struggled with weight (please, what woman doesn’t). And yes, my weight yo-yo’d throughout my college years and in my twenties, but I always stayed active and healthy. Since having my second baby in June 2013, I’ve noticed that my self-image and self-esteem have plummeted to the point that I avoid looking at myself in the mirror – especially full length mirrors. No. I HATE looking at myself in the mirror. It’s time to repair my relationship with the mirror, and more importantly, the woman in the mirror.
Today – I looked in the mirror.
I’ve started running again after having baby #2 but since I became a mother, I never just run in a sports bra anymore. In fact, I never wore anything that remotely showed my mid-section (stretch marks!). Being adventurous, and knowing no one is home or will see me, I headed into my basement gym with just a sports bra and shorts, ready to run. Mentally preparing myself because I dislike running on the treadmill… then I remembered… that DARN full length mirror on the wall in our basement gym.
There I was. With my mid section exposed. My image staring back at me. Instinctively I started looking away, but stopped myself. I’d love to say “I embraced what I saw and made peace…” HELL NO. I judged. I judged myself. My image continued to stare back. This time with a look of disgust. No, I didn’t walk away. Quite opposite. I snapped a picture of it with my iPhone (no, I’m not quite ready to share it here yet). As much as I struggled with the image I saw, I was proud of myself for looking. Baby steps. This will be my “before” photo – 7 months after baby #2.
No, this is not the end of this post but a beginning of many posts. I’m not going to make a resolution of weight loss. I’ve set running goals for myself. I will get into better shape. But not for weight loss-sake. I want to be healthier. I want to run faster, longer. But most importantly, I want to love myself again and not be afraid to look in the mirror.
=Running Goals for 2014. Since baby#2, I have PR’d a 5K (29:10), PR’d a 10K (60:05), Ran a Half Marathon within 6 months of having the baby (2:36:25). For 2014, I want to run a Marathon within 12 months of having the baby (by June 2014) with the goal time of under 5:30:00.=